WARNING : ONLY Read This When You Are Able To LAUGH OUT LOUD.
I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to shit yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off . . .

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement . . . Despite the chillies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the deck. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.
Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Shit, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chillies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chillies fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been TORN IN TWO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS EMOTIONALLY?
Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh . . . . . . . . BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny . 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, "SON-OF-A-BITCH! DID IT SMELL THAT BAD WHEN YOU ATE IT?" then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!" then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.
Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes.

I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
.
here i am getting my intestines torn apart in the middle of the jungle and here you go destroying civilization... nice, very nice... still laughing as i type.
ReplyDeleteAre farts supposed to have knots???
ReplyDeleteMan I want some chili now!
ReplyDeleteSL,
ReplyDeleteLaughing now & will probably get hit with the giggles about 4 hrs from now when I remember reading this. Afghans must eat alot of this particular chili, that rotten egg fart smell seems to be everywhere. Thanks for the laugh, reminds me of the MRE dinner story.
Buzzy
I will never doubt your warnings again! I have emphysema and I thought for a while I was going to run out of my rescue inhaler. That is the hardest laugh I have had in years.
ReplyDeleteLaughed too hard, but I know the feeling. I will still be laughing when I wake up in the morning. Probably do a few other things to. Mexican for dinner.
ReplyDeleteOMG That is so hilarious. This is a really good story. I'm sure i'll be laughing still after evral days. I'll share this read with my friends and family. I wonder how the dish was made? (No interest in having them though) Reminds me of a mix of middle eastern and mexican food combined. (which maybe what made the food toxic after gas is released from the body. Hehehe.)
ReplyDeleteGod, this is funny!!!!!!!! Absolutely funny!
ReplyDeleteFunny story. I clicked to share on my facebook page, and got this funny security check screen
ReplyDeletehttp://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee189/zeroryoko1974/securitycheck.jpg
M. Very funny and it happened at my favorite go to storefor almost every thing but food and that can be bought on the outside at the hot dog cart.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!!! The first time I read this, about 2 years ago, I swear I was crying. Shared it with my husband tonight and both of us were cracking up and crying. Too funny!!
ReplyDeleteI understand you're in the military. My husband is separated Navy. I just wanted to thank you for your service for our country too!! Be safe out there! Thanks again for the awesome laugh! :)
I came across the text of this story recently and did a search and found this web site. Most of us geezers can relate to these events -- just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteI haven't laughed this hard in years‼️ This was truly hilarious‼️
ReplyDeleteOutlet Store malls are here to provide you all kinds of home depot stores locations. Youcan easily get the opening hours, exact location and discount using the coupons. List of all 6 Home Depot Factory outlet stores locations in the US, Canada and Mexico.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. I like this topic.This site has lots of advantage. It helps me in many ways.Thanks for posting this again.
ReplyDeleteHome Spa Services in Mumbai
I appreciate everything you have added to my knowledge base.Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you offer.Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHome depot dealers Toronto
well, you have written a masterpiece and i must appreciate the work you are doing. You are spreading this type of information which is very much valuable for the people. Much Appreciated. Keep posting this type of information.
ReplyDeleteSeo Expert In pakistan
Wijdan Shahid
hey i loved your site layout and especially the way you wrote everything. I must say that you keep posting this type of information so that we may see the latest news.
ReplyDeletetellthebell
Hey Thanks for sharing this valuable information with us. I will come back to your site and keep sharing this information with us.
ReplyDeleteSurveyforcustomers
Hey Thanks for sharing this valuable information with us. I will come back to your site and keep sharing this information with us.
ReplyDeletewww.krogerfeedback.com 50 fuel points
To find the best short term rentals in dubai i will suggest you to visit the MEX Holiday Homes Dubai office if you're looking to plan you vacations soon in Dubai.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeletehome depot survey
The most authentic post ever i read about this topic so far i must say you have cleared all the required info thank for sharing, keep up the good work and find best e-ticket, visa and travel insurance services at turkey visa
ReplyDeleteSo funny! Hilarious!Still wondering how the dish was made? Keep up the good work. Seo experts in Pakistan
ReplyDeletethis is a great post. There are a lot of takeaways from this post. Nice work summarizing a lot of tactics.Seo Expert in Pakistan
ReplyDeleteArticles and content in this section of the website are really amazing. Great ideas indeed! I will surely keep these in my mind!
ReplyDeleteSEO Services in Lahore
Hey I loved the way you shared the valuable information with the community. I would say that please continue these efforts and we want to hear mor e from you. krogerfeedback
ReplyDeleteHey I loved the way you shared the valuable information with the community. I would say that please continue these efforts and we want to hear more from you.pandaexpress.com/feedback
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing updated information.Keep up your information. Great job
ReplyDeletedqfansurvey
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey Thanks for sharing this valuable information with us. I will come back to your site and keep sharing this information with us. Win Prizes by taking surveys
ReplyDeleteThanks For sharing, Its highly informative post. I really enjoyed it. Thankyou
ReplyDeleteCloud accounting software
Great article you guys do well in this Website
ReplyDeleteIt is Good for beginners and great subjective informations
Keep up Good Work
ReplyDeleteI really loved reading your blog. It was very well authored and easy to understand. Unlike other blogs I have read which are really not that good.Thanks a lot!
Best Law Firm in Lahore
iphongthuynet
ReplyDeleteiphongthuynet
iphongthuynet
iphongthuynet
iphongthuynet
iphongthuynet
iphongthuynet
iphongthuynet
iphongthuynet
This is Very very nice article. Everyone should read. Thanks for sharing. Don't miss WORLD'S BEST BikeRacingGame
ReplyDeleteclick here, click here, click here, click here, click here, click here, click here, click here, click here, click here
ReplyDeleteI loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.yourcar.pk/
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo expert pakistan
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteSeo Expert Pakistan
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteSEO Expert In Pakistan
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.smm.com.pk/seo-expert-consultant-pakistan/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.smm.com.pk/"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.smm.com.pk/"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.smm.com.pk/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://skyled.pk/"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.smm.com.pk/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://hnl.com.pk"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://hnl.com.pk
"""I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://skyled.pk/"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://hnl.com.pk
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://hnl.com.pk
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://alliedmaterials.com.pk"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehairclinic.pk
Such a nice peice of information. Summed up all the things in a perfect way. https://www.endconsultant.com
ReplyDelete"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://alliedmaterials.com.pk/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://alliedmaterials.com.pk/
Such a nice peice of information. Summed up all the things in a perfect way. https://www.endconsultant.com
ReplyDeleteI loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehairclinic.pk
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehairclinic.pk
"""I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://hnl.com.pk
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehairclinic.pk"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.hairclinic.pk/
Such a nice peice of information. Summed up all the things in a perfect way. https://www.endconsultant.com
ReplyDelete"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.endconsultant.com/
"""I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.alfalahhost.com/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://alliedmaterials.com.pk/
"""I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.endconsultant.com/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant in lahore
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.hairclinic.pk/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant in karachi
"""I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://alliedmaterials.com.pk/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://alliedmaterials.com.pk/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant in rawalpindi
"""I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.hairclinic.pk/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant in pakistan
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant clinic pakistan
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteRent a car from Islamabad to Murree
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant clinic pakistan
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant surgeon pakistan
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant surgeon pakistan
"""I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehair transplant in pakistan
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteRent a car from Saifal Muluk lake"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteRent a car from Islamabad to Swat
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteRent a car from Islamabad to Kashmir tour"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteRent a car from Islamabad to Skardu
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteRent a car from Islamabad to Gilgit
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteRent a car from Islamabad to Kashgar
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteLondon SEO Services
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo expert
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteSEO Company London
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehairclinic.pk
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.hairclinic.pk/hair-transplant-in-islamabad/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteyourcar.pk
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo master
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleterent a car islamabad
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.endconsultant.com/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleterent a car in islamabad
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.hairclinic.pk/hair-transplant-in-islamabad/
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletecar rental islamabad
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleterent car islamabad
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleterent a car islamabad without driver
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.seomagician.co.uk"
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteSeo Magician co uk
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteSeoMagician.co.uk
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteSeoMagician.co.uk
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteRent a car from Islamabad to Naran Kaghan
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletewithout driver car rental islamabad
OMG!! This was so hilarious..hahaha...
ReplyDeleteEye lens price in Pakistan
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo expert in pakistan
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo expert in pakistan
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo consultant pakistan
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader
ReplyDeletehttps://talkwithstranger.com/
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo consultant pakistan
"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://talkwithstranger.com/
ReplyDelete"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
https://talkwithstranger.com./
talkwithstranger.com
ReplyDeleteI loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
https://talkwithstranger.com/
talkwithstranger.com I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeletehttps://talkwithstranger.com/
Really it is a very nice topic and Very significant Information for us, I have think the representation of this Information is actually super one. . new metro city
ReplyDeleteI loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo magician pakistan
Really it is great topic and important Information for us, I think the representation of this Information is actually greater. Google Shopping Ads
ReplyDeletehair steamer pas cher
ReplyDeletehair steamer france
hair steamer
La sciatique est une douleur vive ressentie le long d’un des 2 nerfs sciatiques. Situés à l’arrière de chacune des jambes, ce sont les nerfs les plus volumineux de l’organisme (voir schéma). Ils rejoignent la colonne vertébrale au bas du dos, à la hauteur des vertèbres lombaires et sacrées (tout juste au-dessus du coccyx) sciatique
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
ReplyDeleteseo expert pakistan
https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=13714247&postID=4933168353655952433&page=1&token=1567950166940&isPopup=true
ReplyDeletehttps://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=13714247&postID=4933168353655952433&page=1&token=1567950166940&isPopup=true
ReplyDeleteThis blog is useful as well as informative. Keep sharing such blogs I really like your posts pramac generators
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete"I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts. I will be a regular reader...
https://skyled/LED-Lights-pakistan/
Very nice article, very informative and provides alot of insight of the project. new metro city
ReplyDeleteAppreciating the hard work you put into your site and detailed information you offer. It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed material affiliate marketing usa
ReplyDeletereally informative Post.
ReplyDeletenew metro city kharian
I have recently started a blog, the info you provide on this site has helped me greatly in blogging. Thanks for all of your work and time Ounass coupon code
ReplyDeleteGreat Article, i was really confused about this but because of the information provided i can easily make a decision now. new metro city
ReplyDeleteI have read your post and i really like the article you share with us. I hope so you will keep posting such article for us..
ReplyDeleteSEO Expert in Pakistan
I loved the way you shared the valuable information with the community. new metro city
ReplyDeleteYour blog is great! I really enjoyed reading it, it has helped me very much MAGNETIC EARBUDS
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the info, keep up the good work going.... I really enjoyed exploring your site. good resource... home depot survey
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYour article was very informative and helpful. Thanks for sharing this valuable information with us Keep Blogging.
ReplyDeletescissor repair parts
Scissors Repair Kit
Very Informative topic I liked it very much. You have covered the topic in detail thumbs up. influencer marketing agency
ReplyDeleteI have recently started a blog, the info you provide on this site has helped me greatly in blogging. Thanks for all of your work and timeotop 10 accounting software in pakistan
ReplyDeleteAppreciating the hard work you put into your site and detailed information you offer. It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed materialPizza hut offers
ReplyDeleteVery Informative topic I liked it very much Keep Blogging.
ReplyDeleteRepair Parts for Scissor Sharpener
Barber Salon Scissor Repair Parts
Hairdressing Scissor Repair Parts
Your blog is great! I really enjoyed reading it, it has helped me very muchshedbaseuk.co.uk
ReplyDeleteThis information is very good.
ReplyDeletebahria town central park apartments
Thank you, your article is very good
ReplyDeleteviagra asli
jual viagra
toko viagra
toko viagra asli
jual viagra asli
viagra jakarta
viagra asli jakarta
toko viagra jakarta
jual viagra jakarta
agen viagra jakarta
agen viagra
cialis asli
cialis jakarta
cialis asli jakarta
titan gel asli
titan gel jakarta
titan gel asli jakarta
viagra cod jakarta
obat viagra jakarta
obat viagra asli
viagra usa
viagra original
obat viagra
obat kuat viagra
jual cialis
toko cialis
obat cialis
obat cialis asli
obat kuat cialis
obat cialis jakarta
toko cialis jakarta
jual cialis jakarta
agen cialis jakarta
toko titan gel
jual titan gel
vitamale asli
permen soloco asli
maxman asli
vimax asli
viagra
titan gel
hammer of thor
hammer of thor asli
hammer of thor jakarta
hammer of thor asli jakarta
This blog is useful as well as informative. Keep sharing such blogs I really like your postsinvoicing software in pakistan
ReplyDeleteAppreciating the hard work you put into your site and detailed information you offer.Roof Replacement NYC
ReplyDeleteAppreciating the hard work you put into your site and detailed information you offer. It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed materialAffiliate marketing agencys
ReplyDelete