Monday, November 16, 2009


Professional Athlete, Olympic Gold Medalist, Philosopher AND Dragon-Slayer Warrior . . .

. . . Sir Charles Barkley is welcome to grace the pages of STORMBRINGER any day!

1. "I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."

2. "You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."

3. "I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime."

4. "You can talk without saying a thing. I don't ever want to be that type of person."

5. After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man.

6. EJ: "Did you graduate from Auburn?" Charles: "No, but I have a couple people working for me who did."

7. "We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good."

8. When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: "They're in a lot of trouble."

9. "I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper."

10. "If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."

11. After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".

12. While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: "Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can't just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the 'hood."

13. Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama," he said, "unless they're cleaning."

14. On the goal of the '92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: "To get the Canal back."

15. On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament: "Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots."

16. I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove.

17. "I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."

18. On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they do community service."

19. "Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."

20. "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements."

21. "I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."

22. On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."

23. On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: "Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey."

24. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge. Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?" Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"

25. After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says: "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."

Explore the brilliant Godzilla Vs. Charles Barkley saga

1 comment: