To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah Night Before Last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 A M EST.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... Isn't it!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare footed since I made you leave your your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. (That made his day!) I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb . . . after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number, etc).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you . . . but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto . . . "An armed society makes for a more civil society!"
now thats cool
ReplyDeleteToo bad it isn't true. But nevertheless always being armed is an important moral of the fable.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes you think it isn't true?
ReplyDeleteThis one has been around for a year or so and a simple search on Snopes.com for the distinct key word "Burberry" found this one right away.
ReplyDeleteThe city in question keeps changing:
- Savannah, Georgia
- Asheville, North Carolina
- Las Vegas, Nevada
- Austin, Texas
- Knoxville
(and on and on)
It's all at http://www.snopes.com/crime/justice/mugger.asp
- pupista! (barking mad on the right)
So what? I'd punch those snoopy snopes people in the nose if I saw them, snarky asses.
ReplyDeleteLike 1984, the novel, is used as a guide for psycho commies like Hitlary Clintstone, let this be your guide to thug relations. At least let this be your guide to where your balls used to be.
Great story, sadly in the UK under this Socialist Government it would be the criminal that would be rewarded if this took place, the victim would spend a long time in jail. Lets hope that Obama only has one term or you could end up like a third world terorist haven like the uk.
ReplyDeleteThe car thing kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's just that 'car I don't like parked next to where I was mugged' seems like shaky evidence for vandalizing it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if it's silly and it's taught to most of the world's special forces, it's not silly.