THE COWBOY SOLUTION

In the past, OBAMA said he wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use . . .

. . . maybe you'll recall his genius solution was to keep your tires inflated.

Well, I have a better idea:

The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants! That would be 15 million less people using our gas. We've already seen that this will cost us nothing; because all we have to do is put the word out on the street that we're going to enforce a few existing immigration laws - like the good folk did in Arizona - and the illegals will pack up and move all by themselves.

Fifteen million fewer people at the pump means more gas for the rest of us - this is the law of supply and demand - the price of gas will come down . . .

Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders, and when they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and send his ass to Afghanistan . . .


Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA, he must first serve a tour in OUR military . . .

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it . . .

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country . . .

He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident....

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves . . .

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo . . .


Problem solved!


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WHAT I LEARNED FLYING FIRST CLASS

I was flying across country and I got upgraded to first class - which is rare these days because they have me flying all these different airlines so I can't take advantage of all my miles. Anyway as luck would have it I'm sitting a couple seats next to this beautiful woman, and the seat between us was vacant.

She was reading this book the entire flight and I managed to catch a glimpse of the title - it was something about Sex Therapy.

WELL I couldn't let that one lay there so I said hello, and was charming and pleasant, and FINALLY when the conversation allowed I said, "I couldn't help but noticing what you're reading there. Are you some kind of therapist?"

"Oh yes," she smiled, "I'm a sex therapist, actually."

"That must be very interesting work."

"Well, in my work I come into contact with a lot of men like yourself, and I'm able to debunk a lot of myths that middle-aged white males seem to harbor about sexuality."

"Oh REALLY . . . ? ? ?"

"Oh yes," she continued. "For example, a common belief amongst white males is that the black men are the most well-endowed . . . "

"Well, I was in the Army, and I can tell you from being in the showers . . ."

She was shaking her head no. "American Indians."

"Hmmm!"

"Another myth is that Italian men are the most vigorous in bed, that they have the staying power and the drive."

"Well, yeah, I've heard that . . . "

She was shaking her head and smiling no, no, no . . . "Jewish men. They've got the chutzpah."

"Hmmm . . . "

"And Latin men are thought of as the best lovers."

"Oh yeah, those Latin lovers . . ."

"Cowboys."

"COWBOYS?"

"Without a doubt, women can't resist a cowboy."

We continued our conversation throughout the flight; the woman was as interesting a conversationalist as she was easy on the eye to look at. Then we were descending and the captain came on the intercom and made his announcement, and it was time to put things away and prepare for the landing.

"By the way," I said, "I haven't properly introduced myself."

"Oh yes. I'm Lauren," she smiled, offering her hand.

I took her hand and said, "My name's Tonto Goldstein, but my friends all call me Tex."




There was a time when Southwest clearly wanted to be the sexiest carrier in the air. In the early years after they took to the air in 1971, the stewardess uniform included orange hot pants and white go-go boots. Recruiters plainly asked candidates to wear dresses so their legs could be checked out. “We were selling sex,” admits current president, Colleen Barrett. Times have changed, and so has the dress code. Southwest stewardesses now display more fabric than skin, but we’ve seen a lot of them with figures built for the minimalist attire. Given society’s love for retro and Southwest’s laid-back business approach, we can still at least hope for throwback uniforms.



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COWBOY BALLAD

Most people have heard the song "El Paso" by Marty Robbins, a ballad about a cowboy and young woman named Felina. It was a very popular song back in its day , still heard today on the 'oldies' stations.

Well there is another song written by Marty Robbins that was never popular. I am sure most people don't know it even exists. It is called "Felina".




If you don't know this song "El Paso" you will not appreciate the other song "Felina".