Every season is the season of grilling meat here at Chez STORMBRINGER but springtime is ESPECIALLY the season for cooking meat on fire . . .
. . . which of course is the ONLY way for the Viking Warrior to cook his meat.
Tom of the Viking Brethren has sent us this unique technique for the preparation of le bœuf - enjoy!
- S.L.
This is NOT boiled beef.
It's a scientifically cooked rare steak that hit 134F all the way through, not one bit more, and then was given a quick maillard reaction. Note the even color of the perfect rare steak?
Naysayers say it's poaching or boiling but it is not one bit of that.
Sealed up and ready to go in the 132-133°F water bath . . .
. . . that is a water bath where the water never directly touches the meat, therefore, naysayers that call it boiling meat might look into the fact that you can't get water to boil at 132-133°F at normal atmospheric pressures and it isn't being boiled, oh and it isn't in contact with the water: zippable plastic bag.
Seared and near sporking.
Seared and happy after being slightly cooled from holding at 132-133°F and then subjected to hot mesquite coals for a a couple minutes each side, i.e. PERFECT for steaks the way the Thomas likes.
Stop looking at my SPORK like that! YES, it is titanium, isn't yours?
Yummers.
Trust me: YUMMERS. Note the even color all the way through because NONE of it got overcooked? Yes, I could use a better camera, but it's low on toy and tool prioritization.
Proof of the Pudding.
You don't need a full vacuum to do a really good home variant of Sous Vide cooking for perfect and interesting steaks as long as you have good temperature control. I did the marinade because I had a bottle of FFC merlot where the cork exploded and it would have been a huge hassle to filter but was too good to waste, not because a marinade is a prerequisite for a good Sous Vide steak.
Maybe some of the gear I used was designed for chemistry and metallurgy work, but you ever try to get a culinary oven or stove to hold an exact temperature? ;-)
I can grill, I can broil, I can barbecue, and now I have another tool in the toolbox of culinary techniques.
Excelsior,
tom
And here's a nice drop to wash it down . . .
. . . I fully approve the Viking motif on the label . . .
WARNING : ONLY Read This When You Are Able To LAUGH OUT LOUD.
I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.
You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to shit yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off . . .
Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement . . . Despite the chillies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the deck. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.
Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Shit, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chillies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chillies fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been TORN IN TWO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS EMOTIONALLY?
Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh . . . . . . . . BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny . 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, "SON-OF-A-BITCH! DID IT SMELL THAT BAD WHEN YOU ATE IT?" then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!" then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.
Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes.
I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
LISTED BELOW IS SOME OF THE LEGENDARY INFLUENCE THE MIGHTY CAJUN CULTURE HAS ETCHED INTO THE UNIQUE AMERICAN CULTURE. WE LOVE THE CAJUN WAY! LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULEZ!
• CRAWFISH ETOUFFEE • CRAWFISH PIE • CRAB MEAT AU GRATIN • SHRIMP CREOLE • CATFISH COURTBOUILLON • RED BEANS and RICE • CREOLE CABBAGE ROLLS • CREOLE GREEN BEANS • COCONUT CANDIES YAMS • STUFFED MERLITON • SEAFOOD GUMBO • STEAK ROUILLE • CRAB CAKE • MAGNOLIA BLUEPOINT CRAB TARTS • OYSTER CHOWDER SOUP • PEPPERY STUFFED CRAB • CRAB MEAT REMICK • BARBECUE SHRIMP • DUCK SAUSAGE • GRILLED REDFISH • CRAB STUFFED EGGPLANT ROYAL • CRAWFISH WITH SPICY LOBSTER SAUCE • Shrimp and Tortellini Salad • Chicken and Sausage Gumbo • Blackened Fish • Cajun Hot Buffalo Wings • Down South Jambalaya (Chicken and Sausage) • Uncle Steven's Bar-B-Q Ribs • Mardi Gras Scampi • Shrimp Creole • Deep Fried Carrot Fritters Sources: http://www.cajuncookingrecipes.com
Sean Linnane is the pseudonym of a retired Special Forces career NCO (1st SFG, 3d SFG, 10th SFG). I served with honor on five continents; I continue to serve in other capacities.
