THE GREEN BAR ALGODONES

a.k.a. Cafe Olympico, a.k.a. The Green Door . . . you may or may not have heard of this place . . . it is infamous in certain military circles . . .

One time during the 90's when I was working an intel shop I brought the battalion staff here for some well-needed decompression. Ordered tequila and lined 'em up on the bar, then grabbed the nearest "señorita" and demonstrated the world-famous STORMBRINGER-style tequila body shot (where the lime is placed in the lady's cleavage, down the shot and then dive face first for the lime and some good motorboating action while yer at it). This pleased and delighted the staff officers of course; they grabbed the "señorita" in their corner and soon were diving for slices of lime to their hearts content.

I became aware of a presence off to my left; I turned and there was this little Mexican guy who looked strangely familiar. "You are Sergeant Linnane, yes?"

My eyes went wide at that one because NOBODY down in Mexico knew me, as far as I was concerned. "Uh, y-e-a-h . . . "

"Perhaps you don't remember me but I am Sergeant Perez, from the 2d Ranger Battalion. You trained us at Fort Lewis."

"Oh YEAH!" I didn't remember him, but he looked like a Ranger - small, lightweight, high-n-tight haircut.

"Please do not draw any attention to me because those men over at that table over there, they are coyotes, and if they suspect that I am a Ranger, they will think I am here to infiltrate their operations and they will kill me."

"Uh, okay."

"I just wanted to let you guys know, that "señorita" over there, the one your friends are doing the body shots on?"

"Yeah."

"Well, she is not exactly a "señorita" if you know what I mean."

"WOAH!"

"Please, sergeant, do not draw any attention to me. I must go now." And with that he faded away.

I was impressed - the little Ranger had just risked his life to alert his fellow American soldiers of a Fate Worse than Death and for a minute there I considered alerting the staff officers as to the status of the object of their sport, but then I figured "N-a-a-a-h . . ." why ruin their fun? They're just a bunch of captains and majors who never get out of the office, and besides I didn't want to blow the little guy's cover. Anyway I knew I was in the clear and untainted because the "señorita" I deep-cleavage dived was 100% female; I know to check the size of the hands, feet, and to look for an Adam's apple . . . and besides I'd watched her take all her clothes off on the dance floor, the week before.

Back at the scene of the crime, I stopped in for a torta and a soda . . . also to see if anybody had seen Lola . . .

. . . nope, coast was clear.

Today's Bird HERE



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