Friday, July 13, 2012

SURVIVAL TRAINING

The key word here is SURVIVAL. Most people think you need a .30 cal hunting rifle or a shotgun with a slug barrel to bag an elk or a kodiak bear. This is actually a flawed thought process- the start point is to develop a proper survival mindset. All you actually need to survive in any environment is your mind, but for the purposes of this exercise we're going to drop you out there in the Alaskan wilderness with a razor sharp hunting knife and a bag of salt.

That's it - just a hunting knife and a bag of salt. Nothing else - not even rucksack, canteen, sleeping bag, boots, clothes, nothing. All that's stuff's a crutch, and besides, with the hunting knife you can make anything you need.




The first logical step is to get some leaves to cover yourself so your junk isn't out there swinging in the breeze - I mean, you don't want people laughing at you while you go about the serious business of surviving. Leaves will have to cut it for now, but of course you're going to need animal skins - preferably with fur - and you're going to need them fast because it gets cold in Alaska, even in the summertime.

To take an elk, use the knife to fashion a six foot staff and use cordage to bind the hunting knife to the staff as a speartip. Then, you lay out your bag of salt as a deerlick to attract elk. When elk come, you jump out and spear one. If they all bolt, you give chase. We humans, with sweat glands, have built-in cooling and as such we can run continually without tiring. Deer or elk on the other hand will overheat, eventually they will tire, lay down for a rest and probably have a heart attack. At that time you can jump out and let them have it and finish them off with your spear.


H-e-e-e-y all we're talking about here is Bambi, right?


Then you take the salt and use it with the brains of the animal to tan the hide. First order of business is to fashion a loincloth for yourself, and some rudimentary moccasins. Also use the leather to create thongs for your woman - put these aside you will use them later.




In the meantime, refresh yourself on some tasty elk steaks; you'll need your strength for the next part. You may consider rubbing urine from the elk's bladder or musk glands all over your body to mask your scent, because next we're going bear hunting. The urine and the musk glands have the dual purpose of making you irrisitable to women, which is good because you're going to require maximum charisma annd extraordinary powers of persuasion to get your woman to cooperate for this next phase:


Using the spear/knife as a digging stick, dig a DEEP pit - about 10'x10'x20' deep at least. Cover the pit with twigs and leaves. Now you're going to need some kodiak bear bait - salt won't cut it; this is going to take some teamwork. Wait until your woman is having her monthly time, then use the leather thongs to tie her spreadeagled over the leaves. She will have to be naked of course, this goes without saying. Then go hide behind a tree or a rock or something and wait. When the kodiak comes sniffing around because he smells that fresh ripe red snapper and he goes for it, he's going to fall through the leaves and the fall will probably knock him out.


How hard can it be? I mean, we're talking about a relative of the Koala bear, right?


The rest is easy; you drop down onto the kodiak bear from above and let him have it with your knife. If during this critical phase you drop the knife no problem; when the bear does that huge roar thing, you shove your entire arm ALL THE WAY DOWN the animals throat, reach all the way down and grab his *sshole from the inside and pull the bear inside out.

That's all it takes - simple when you think about it, really. Who needs guns?

What are your questions?


- STORMBRINGER SENDS

10 comments:

  1. Some one has been doing some serious drinking lately!

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  2. sounds fun can i be the first one to go on this vacation where do i sign up. Skullhead

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  3. Guess you got it all figured out!

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  4. I clicked on the embedded link SURVIVAL. You're right, ya don't need much more than some brow and the will.

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  5. O/T question.

    You still link to LGF.

    I'm surprised.

    Its now a vile, festering leftist site. Back in the early post-9/11 era it was a vile, festering neo-con site, though looking at all your links to jewish sites . . .


    Jews are not our allies.

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  6. To the ignoramus who posted the above comment - and I choose the descriptive term 'ignoramus' intentionally - have you considered who it is that fights us? Radical Fundamentalist Islam seeks to destroy our culture, to convert or kill each and every single one of us, and they have shown their willingness in this to the point of suicide tactics that have proven quite effective.

    When you say 'Jews are not our allies' I assume you mean Israel. Israel's enemies are our enemies; Israel is in fact our ally in this fight.

    Beyond that simple reality, the fact is that Israel is a foothold of Western Civilization within a very rough neighborhood - they are surrounded by barbaric nations that collectively have oppressed and killed more Muslims - Palestinian and otherwise - than even the most strident anti-Israel propagandist could ever blame on Israel.

    If you mean the Jews that live amongst us as fellow citizens, serve in our government and in our armed forces, then I say to you: get out of here. This is bigotry - racism has no place on my team.

    Just take a look at every single operation in the history of the world that has taken your attitude, and look at what happened to them.

    "vile, festering . . ." - look in the mirror, Anonymous.

    Peace, Out-
    STORMBRINGER SENDS

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  7. Anyway WHERE do I link to LGF ? ? ?

    What do YOU know that I don't ? ? ?

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  8. He will continue to hug on that muslim terrorist while he is having a knife thrust into him, all the while saying I'm your friend.

    For this Catholic my money is on the Jews and that is who I will stand with!!!

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  9. This is soooo wrong.

    I love it.

    "when the bear does that huge roar thing, you shove your entire arm ALL THE WAY DOWN the animals throat, reach all the way down and grab his *sshole from the inside and pull the bear inside out."

    I'm very glad that I had already finished drinking my coffee when I read that.

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    ReplyDelete