PHONY WANNABE BUSTED

A veteran from 2/506th (101st) calls out a fake Ranger. This encounter took place on Black Friday at the Oxford Valley Mall, about two hours north of where I'm at . . . S.L.



Here's His Gigs:

#1 There are no fat Rangers. Not in Regiment, anyway. Fat, pasty white - that one single indicator that flags him right away.

#2 "What unit are you in?" "I'm with the Second Battalion Rangers." That's not the way soldiers of the Ranger Regiment describe their units. A real 2/75th Ranger would have said, "I'm with the Second Ranger Battalion," or "Second of the Seventy-Fifth Ranger Regiment," or simply, "Second of the Seventy-Fifth." When the veteran interviewing him prompts him, the phony catches himself. This is where his charade begins to unravel.

#3 American flag too low on right shoulder. To me, that was the single patch I was most proud of on my uniform. The Rangers are amongst the most professional soldiers in the world. There is no way a Ranger NCO would mess up the uniform, especially if he was wearing it in public.

#4 "My MOS is Eleven Bravo." He could have stopped there, perhaps added "Infantry." Instead he spins this meaningless nonsense: "I'm what's called Attack One (?) . . . all I do is I go out on missions."

#5 Combat Infantryman's Badge with 2 stars denotes three completely different wars. If you were in Afghanistan and Iraq (post 9/11) that's one CIB for the GWOT. Guys who were in Grenada then Desert Storm didn't get a second CIB; even if they were in Mogadishu they didn't get a star on their CIB. To get a CIB with 2 stars, this guy would have to have been in Vietnam, Desert Storm, and then the GWOT. At this point in history, there is no other way.

"My campaign took me outside of mission lines in Afghanistan." This statement makes no sense whatsoever. We might as well hand this guy a shovel he's digging himself in so deep.

#6 His boots are unbloused. "Because I literally just got home." This makes no sense. He's in such a hurry right off the plane he has no time to ditch the uniform into his go-ruck and hop into his civvies? He doesn't even have time to make sure he doesn't look like a dirtbag?

#7 "Where'd you go to Basic Training?" "Fort Jackson." Flubs this one - Infantry does Basic at Fort Benning, but catches himself "I didn't start off as Ranger . . . er . . . as Infantry." Then he flubs it again, doesn't even know his original MOS: "I started off as an M-1." Huh??? ". . . as a driver of Humvees." There is no MOS for "driver of Humvees" - the MOS is 88M, Motor Transport Operator.

At this point he reaches for his phone - he needs an excuse to break contact. This is where it gets a little weird; he says into the phone, "Staff Sergeant." Like, why would a staff sergeant address another staff sergeant as "Staff Sergeant"? Or, is that his official way of answering the phone? Why would you just say a rank and no name? In the Army - unlike the Marines - no matter what kind of sergeant you are (unless you're a First Sergeant or a Sergeant Major) you are referred to as "Sergeant". Nobody in the Army addresses a staff sergeant "Staff Sergeant". Its "Sergeant," nothing more.

At this point in the vid, the veteran calls him out for Stolen Valor. At first I thought, simply impersonating a soldier is not Stolen Valor, but then it occurred to me if this douchebag is wearing the uniform to cash in on military discounts at the mall, then he is breaking the law. Tellingly, the phony is turning away, trying to distance himself from the heat.

#8 "OK what we're going to do is we're going to step down here with my Sergeant Major." What??? I thought he was talking to a staff sergeant? What happened? Did the guy get instantly promoted three grades? And who the hell gets off a plane from Fort Lewis and immediately goes shopping at the mall with their Sergeant Major? FIFTEEN YARD BULLSHIT FLAG.

The encounter disintegrates from there. We get a good profile of his fat gut, by the way - there is no way on God's Green Earth this guy is a Ranger.

Good work by the 2d/506th Veteran who busted this P.O.S. out - personally I would have had a hard time physically restraining myself from ripping the badges off the uniform he is so obviously not qualified to wear. This is assault, of course, but I think I could handle the subsequent interview with Law Enforcement.

STORMBRINGER SENDS