AT THE DMV

Waiting in line all day at two different government bureaucracies . . . all because I need a Pennsylvania state driver's license, so I won't be a VIOLATOR . . .

"Do you have two forms of ID?"

"Yes, here's my passport, and here's my US military ID."

"US military ID is no good."

"W-H-A-A-A-?-?-?"

"Because you don't have to be a US citizen to become a member of the US military."

"I know that - I wasn't a citizen when I signed up. But you can't be in twenty-plus years and make it to retirement without becoming a US citizen, and this is a RETIRED US military ID.  And anyway, this is a US PASSPORT, right here."

"Sorry, you will need your Social Security card, to get a Pennsylvania state driver’s license."

"My SOCIAL SECURITY CARD ? ? ? I haven't seen hide nor hair of THAT thing since before I joined the Army! And it doesn't even have a photograph on it, signature, nothing. Come to think of it, you don’t need to be a US citizen to get a Social Security number, anyway. I wasn’t, when I got mine. Besides, this US military ID card has my Social Security number ON IT."

"Sorry, sir; but you can join the US military without being a US citizen . . ."

Next stop, the Social Security Administration. That actually wasn't so bad - once you get over the government propaganda being transmitted over a 65-inch plasmatron, and the WAITING. They had The Social Security Story going in a fifteen-minute loop, so I got to watch of how FDR and Social Security saved America from the Great Depression about eight times over. This makes me wonder, of course, if putting people on the government dole is what it takes to get an economy out of the doldrums, then why don't we put EVERYBODY on the government payroll - we'll be back on track to being the greatest, richest, most powerful society in the history of the world, times ten million. Funny thing is, I thought World War II had something to do with it, and of course there was no mention of Social Security being a giant Ponzi scheme - but what do I know? I'm a philosopher, not an economist.

Back at the DMV - wife TigerLily is going nuts: "HEY! Our numbah neary rup, an dey CHANGE-A NUMBAH! I go up there, ask 'em whatta hell go on heah?"

"You got get 'em, TigerLily! Give 'em that angry Oriental routine!"

Guy in front of me turns around. "Man, I've got my passport, my Honorable Discharge from the Marine Corps . . ."

"That ain't good enough, man. Military means nothin' to these people."

"I'm nobody special or nothin', but its like four generations of my family served in the military - one of 'em a Medal of Honor recipient."

"You better not tell them THAT, they'll treat you like a second-class citizen!"

"NUMBER 369!"

"Oh that's us honey, let's go up there."

"Are you Mrs. TigerLily Stormbringer?"

"Yes."

"Please look into the eye exam machine.  What color do you see?"

"Red."

"And what does red mean?"

"Red mean Stop."

"What color do you see now?"

"Green."

"And what does green mean?"

"Go."

"What color do you see now?"

"Yellow."

"And what does yellow mean?"

"Yellow mean . . . GO FASTER."

"Very good, Ma’am. Now sign here, and here. Now go over there and have your picture taken. NEXT!"

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