Friday, December 3, 2010


From The Manitoba Herald

by Clive Runnels

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified this week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The results of the recent election is prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.

When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves." A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age" an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them." an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

Friday Filly HERE



  1. I do feel sorry for Canada, getting the influxes of draft dodgers in the 60s, the ongoing trickle of people who hate "right wing fascist America," and the refuse who want to live in a country with national health care, but don't have any plans to actually be productive members of that country's society.

    Of course, California is much improved by these events.

  2. That is absolutely a GREAT post. Best laugh I have had in a long time. If you ever come to Red Deer I sure would like to by you a beer.

  3. It must be nice to be referred to by a fellow-citizen as "refuse".
    What a wonderful world-view that opinion must be caused by.
    Roll on the eugenics!


  5. You bloody republicans / conservatives and the mess you created with your unregulated financial institutions selling deceitful junk bonds and creating an inflated housing market. You should be proud of yourselves. I welcome those liberals into my country