WHY ATHLETES DON'T HAVE REAL JOBS

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If you have ever pondered that question, here are some examples / reasons:

1.    Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I  wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2.    New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3.    And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run  over my own  mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4.    Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John  Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.."

5.    Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody  in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6.    Senior basketball player at West Virginia University : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is just beautiful!)

7.    Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height.." And, "You guys pair up in groups of  three,and then line up in a circle."

8.    Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton. "

9.    Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget  how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10.    Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training  regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11.    Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January!)

12.    Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I  told him, Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,  'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13.    Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14.    In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15.    Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked  by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

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