PISTOL, CALIBER .45, M1911

Just picked up the new gun today . . . 100 year anniversary of the Government Model 1911 so I lashed out and liberated that Remington M1911 from Ye Olde Neighborhood Gunne Shoppe . . . then I picked up a couple of boxes of .45 ammo - just regular jacketed ball; I don't know yet how this thing feeds and I haven't polished the feedramp. So I loaded up the two mags that came with the pistol. Mister Gunshop Owner is looking at me with this nervous smile as I slap a mag in. "If you're going to carry around a gun," I shrugged, "it doesn't make any sense to carry it unloaded."

Next stop the ShoePhone store, because I've been trying to download Google maps onto my Dingleberry for the better part of a fortnight. We struggled with it but no dice and the thing kept buzzing and driving me nuts because TigerLily was calling me "Stormy where you at? Why you no come home? Oh, I know - it's payday . . . you at that new gunshop you been telling me 'bout? Stormy you buy new gun?"

Why yes, as a matter of fact I did - two in fact because I just laid down some $ on a Lee-Enfield SMLE.

"WHY YOU NEED 'NOTHER GUN?"

. . . Uh, for killing Communists? . . .

"YOU ALREADY HAVE TOO MANY GUN. WHY YOU WASTE MONEY??? MEE-OWW! HISSS!!! SPIT!!!"

Can't never have too many guns . . .

Meanwhile me and the CellPhone shop guy are trying to load the map app onto the shoephone; this is getting me so pissed off I'm about to draw down and unload on the goddamn thing right then and there - worlds first case of phone rage - I can just see the headlines on the Drudge Report:


ENRAGED ROGUE GREEN BERET SHOOTS SMARTPHONE EXECUTION-STYLE

"Evil-Spawn-of-Satan-Devil-Woman spoke to me through that thing - I had to kill it, in the name of all that is good, decent & Holy . . ."


That's my story and I'm sticking to it . . . SEAN LINNANE SENDS