Next stop the ShoePhone store, because I've been trying to download Google maps onto my Dingleberry for the better part of a fortnight. We struggled with it but no dice and the thing kept buzzing and driving me nuts because TigerLily was calling me "Stormy where you at? Why you no come home? Oh, I know - it's payday . . . you at that new gunshop you been telling me 'bout? Stormy you buy new gun?"
Why yes, as a matter of fact I did - two in fact because I just laid down some $ on a Lee-Enfield SMLE.
"WHY YOU NEED 'NOTHER GUN?"
. . . Uh, for killing Communists? . . .
"YOU ALREADY HAVE TOO MANY GUN. WHY YOU WASTE MONEY??? MEE-OWW! HISSS!!! SPIT!!!"
Can't never have too many guns . . .
Meanwhile me and the CellPhone shop guy are trying to load the map app onto the shoephone; this is getting me so pissed off I'm about to draw down and unload on the goddamn thing right then and there - worlds first case of phone rage - I can just see the headlines on the Drudge Report:
ENRAGED ROGUE GREEN BERET SHOOTS SMARTPHONE EXECUTION-STYLE
"Evil-Spawn-of-Satan-Devil-Woman spoke to me through that thing - I had to kill it, in the name of all that is good, decent & Holy . . ."
That's my story and I'm sticking to it . . . SEAN LINNANE SENDS