Saturday, October 13, 2012


So much in this business is rumor and innuendo ... “he said, she said” ... “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve”... shadowy truths hidden behind plausible deception plans . . . late night phone calls from other ex-operators and people still in the inside reveal tantalizing glimmers of truth behind the veil . . . every now and then the truth emerges; you can dump a body into the sea but sooner or later it’s going to surface . . . and then we have intelligence bonanzas like the past two election debates and the truth is presented bared to us in its full-frontal naked glory and suddenly it’s so obvious, everything is so obvious, a brilliant blinding flash of insight . . .


By now it’s obvious that Obama is not one of us. Nobody knows who he is; his paper trail is so carefully shrouded and protected we’re not sure if he’s Muslim or Marxist or if he’s even an American. The fact of the matter is that he’s not even human.

The Dumbo ears are a dead giveaway. It's almost impossible to replicate the human ear.

The man is living proof that the aliens have been amongst us for a long time; I mean, look at the man – he’s too smooth, too clean, he speaks in hypnotic overtones without a hint of Negroid influences.

And of course there is no question that Biden is obviously an alien.

He’s got the hair plugs, and that manic, demonic evil clown smile. Maybe he controls the wire they have planted inside Axelrod’s skull. Or maybe the other way around.

Our side isn’t any better off – we’ve got the RomneyBot; he’s obviously not human.

His five sons are all clones of him, and his wife is a Stepford. Am I the only one seeing a pattern here? In fact, the only human in the crowd is Ryan. Now you can see why he’s beginning to sweat; he’s stumbled into this alien conspiracy and now it’s like he’s got a tiger by the tail. One human up against three aliens? He knows his days are numbered.

Evil StarLord Biden puts the Jedi Mind Control Juu-Juu on Ryan

They’re either going to stick a probe up his ass and a wire antenna inside his skull, or they’re going to dissect him while he’s still alive and study his internal organs. Either way it isn’t pretty and Ryan knows its going to suck to be him.

All the Presidents have been aliens, or alien-manufactured human facsimiles, going back as far as Nixon. To fully understand this whole thing, it’s necessary to understand the full implications of Roswell Incident. Bear with me, people.

Put yourself in the place of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in 1947. Every single one of you and all your friends and colleagues have survived the most horrible war in the history of the world against the most evil forces ever assembled amongst humankind; the Nazis and Imperial Japan. To beat one side you had to make friends and work with the Commies, and to beat the other team you had to resort to nuclear force.

Now you’re coming to grips with the reality of facing off against the Red Threat, and suddenly you’re presented with the reality of an alien civilization so incredibly more advanced than us it’s mind boggling.

Consider; they’ve got the ability to cross the vast light-years of space to get to us – of course we have no ability to stand up to them. Compared to their intellect and technological abilities, we are lower than frogs or lizards. So you do what any good warrior would do, given the circumstances.

You cut a deal.


The Aliens came here because they want what we’ve got, which is our women, of course. And maybe our natural resources. That’s why they landed in America, because we have the hottest women and we’ve been transmitting imagery of our babes in bikinis via television signal since the end of World War II. We also had a handle on a good share of the natural resources, so the aliens homed right in.

So the spaceships had been coming in and out of Area 51 for awhile and the military – specifically the Joint Chiefs – had been in communication with the aliens and had a good lid on the whole thing before that one crashed near Roswell and the press caught wind of the whole thing. Even still they managed to do some pretty good damage control and got the cat back in the bag.

It was obvious from the outset that we didn’t stand a chance up against the Aliens. The visitors gave humankind a choice; get back to work like it was way back when they’d had the Egyptians and the Mayans building pyramids for them, or you'll all be shipped off to some interspatial slaughterhouse to be turned into food. As far as that goes the whole alien fascination with pyramids is just like a hobby for them; what they really wanted was our mineral resources and water and more importantly some Earthling poontang. Well we had plenty of that to spare, and faced with subjugation or total annihilation, it all came down to saving Humankind, so the generals said, “Look, we’ll give you the whole thing, the whole human race as willing slaves - without a fight - but it’s going to take a couple of generations to work it.”

Of course, a cadre of human overseers would be required to run the operation; this would be the role of the Cabinet & Congress and SCOTUS . . . naturally they would be well compensated. Secretary of Defense Forrestal was the sole holdout, so they had to juice him up on drugs and make it look like he was disturbed. Then they checked him into Bethesday Navy Hospital – the same place where the Presidents always go to get their anal butt probe removed and a new one inserted - and somebody pushed him out of a window, made it look like he jumped.

Kennedy was the last President we had with clear vision and chutzpah and this was a problem, so they sent Marilyn Monroe to intercept him. She was one of their pleasure bots, a complete luxury model;

The Oral Fellatrix 5000

But Kennedy had SO MUCH chutzpah he simply used her as a repository for his seed and then cast her aside and moved on to the next willing fembot they sent his way. The man was the King of the Cockhounds, even more so than Elvis, and trying to control him that way wasn’t going to work so they had to blow his head off. We all know the story there.

Then they had to deal with LBJ, and they finally got to him, cut him open and inserted their remotely controlled operating device.

This is where they implanted the device.

LBJ was the first President they had complete control over and so they had some fun with him; played with the US military in a rice war over in Southeast Asia like kids play with toy soldiers, and the whole Civil Rights thing and the Great Society – to see how bad they could fuck everything up and start their inroads on controlling American society.

In a very short period of time they had everybody zonked out on marijuana and LSD, and were landing people on the moon – alien technology helped out on that one, for sure. I mean, the Russians tried everything, reversed engineered all the stolen technology they could get their hands on and everything, but even with all their captured ex-Nazi rocket scientists working as slaves they couldn’t put a man on the moon.

A nation full of stoners watching Easy Rider and listening to Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin was able to put a platoon of spacemen up there and make it look like it was childs play. Alien technology; there is no other logical conclusion.

The first fully artificial alien automatron President.

Nixon was so downright evil they had to find a way to get rid of him but not make it look too obvious so they used their G. Gordon WarBot to engineer that Watergate break-in non-issue and were able to bundle off Tricky Dicky to an exit, stage left.

G. Gordon Liddy, Nixon's private soldier.

After that they vowed never to use the Nixon model ever again. That model line was to be discontinued forever – along with the annoying Henry Kissinger model.

The next robot President was Gerald Ford but they hadn’t quite perfected the technology; that’s why he couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time, and he was always falling down. So they came out with the Jimmy Carter model but they were still having problems with the technology. Replicating humans isn't easy; they couldn’t get the face right and the guy was always grinning like an idiot. Back to the drawing board.

The next time around they decided to get an old Hollywood actor; they gutted him out and rebuilt Reagan from the inside. It was easy to program him because they had all those B-grade Hollywood movies to work from.

The alien's most successful facimile yet.

Remember when he got shot? He took a chest wound and he wasn’t even hurt, walked into the hospital under his own power, and his first words to Nancy were lines from one of his old movies; “Sorry honey, I forgot to duck.” Pre-programmed dialogue was all he had, but it was the secret of The Great Communicator.

Bush 1 was crazy and weird and Other Worldly in his own right, with that “Thousand points of light” doctrine of his, and “Read my lips!” Lips, what lips? The man didn’t have any lips! What the hell did he mean by “Read my lips?” Only an alien without any lips would ever say a thing like that.

Alien, not human. There is no doubt.

So they let him have his little Gulf War – they had to flex their alien military technology and let the rest of the human race know whose boss - then it was out with old Mister Rogers and in with Slick Willy.

The aliens nearly blew it this time, they made a robot so convincingly human, so life-like and intelligent that he was totally irresistible to women.

Have you seen my python?

In fact, they overdid the hormones so much when they built him, he was basically an out of control cockhound all over the place. So they had to send in another fembot, this time a more robust unit, the Monica Intern 1.0, to get a hold of a DNA sample.

The trouble this time was Intern 1.0 wasn’t special purpose designed as a pleasure model, so she didn’t have the software failsafe codes to prevent her from talking to other female units, and that was nearly the aliens downfall.

Still, between the Monica and the Hillary Battleaxe 2016, they managed to keep a handle on the Bubbatron.

The Hildebeest Death Stare

Bush 1 and 2 were both obvious alien creations, especially Bush 2. I mean, look at his ears, and the way he looks when he speaks. It’s like he’s so stupid, and yet, he’s so evil and maniacal and scheming all the time . . . it’s really like there’s two of him, there’s no way the stupid Bush could be capable of pulling off all those evil plots.

Simply too STOOPID to be human . . .

Of course he had Cheney, the Darth Vadar of the Bush Administration, pulling all the strings and orchestrating evil all over the place.

If there’s any proof to this entire theory, take another look at the Obamatron. The guy emerged out of nowhere and used pure alien mind-control techniques on crowds to totally destroy the Hildebeest.

Then the aliens pulled in their marker from that little adventure of theirs down there in Vietnam and rolled out their Manchurian Candidate from the Hanoi Hilton – McCain – and his running mate Caribou Barbie MILF McMooseburger.

Another fembot, and a Communist-controlled brainwashed Manchurian Candidate.

This pair guaranteed a shoe-in for the Dark Horse, the Man Whom Nobody Knows (not even the people who went to school with him.)

"Rugged masculinity gone wild!"

Anybody who looks at Obama knows he’s an alien. His wife Michelle is a Klingon and her whole agenda is taking vacations and an obsession with telling us humans what to eat.

We’ve been played for a long time now, people.

The Last Hope for Mankind wasn’t even human:

Elvis returned to his home solar system after enjoying a wildly successful solo career here on Earth. Living proof – his daughter married Michael Jackson, another alien being

"Thank you. Thank you very much . . ."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it . . .



  1. Bwaaaaahhhaaaaaaahhhaaaaaaahhhaaaaaa! Great laugh!

    Wait, you're serious...

    Time to don the tin-foil hat again.

  2. Did you get into some medical stuff on your last secret squirrel mission?


  3. Can I get a caribou barbie MILF Mcmooseburger fembot sent to my house?


  4. It scares me how much sense ths makes.

  5. At last someone rational lifts the hoodwink.

    "In your present blind condition, what do you most desire?"

    "More light"

    So mote it be.

  6. Dude I love this - love love love it! You bed to pick this blog back up - on any topic! Snarky!